Fa – the Green Dragon

A Place for the Odd Musings of an Expat Bristolian

Category Archives: Humor of Sorts

Some funny and some not so funny things I have come accross


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SwampKing Fool

SWAMPKING FOOL

 

 

SwampKing Donald is a juvenile fool

And a narcissist fool is he

He called or the mole and he upped his hype

And he called for his liars three

 

Conway, Spicer and Mr. Page

All responded to the call

They told him Donald now get ready

You’re headed for a fall.

 

Said swampking Donald all I really want to know

Who is leaking all the stuff?

Don’t they understand that to tell the truth?

Simply makes the going tough.

 

I know eleven million is a huge weekly expense

But I don’t make the deals, blame it on Mike Pence.

The Secret Service loves me I think they are fine

But I am the POTUS so I don’t need to toe the line

 

I do not like Camp David it’s not my idea of fun

I prefer my Mar a Lago in the Florida Sun.

Without my weekly dose of sun I have to use the spray

The bottle says it’s Coppertone But it’s orange they all say.

 

Swampking Donald’s job is tough something he had not reckoned

The GOP is party first, the country comes in second

His plan to make America great again has no place at all

The principle will lie buried beneath his shameful wall.

 

Swampking Donald is very proud to be the Armed Forces C-in-C

But a rightwing Bannon puppet is all that he will be.

David Horowitz is his mentor, a huge amount of work

Especially when mentoring someone who is berserk

 

Mad as a hatter and a schoolyard bully to boot

To hell with tact and protocol he doesn’t give a hoot

What led to all his madness nothing has been said

Maybe his mother dropped him as a baby on his head

 

Some Northern states have lakes

Complete with native Loons

Swampking Donald’s asylum

Is staffed with hapless goons

 

Enough, enough I’ve had my say

I’ll put my pencil down

And think about tomorrow

And what I’ll write about this clown.


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Camp Chaos

CAMP CHAOS

 

To preserve my waning sanity, I took a little break

To sort out what news is true and which of it is fake.

The goings-on at Camp Chaos are running full amok

Even the inner sanctum it seems are learning how to duck

 

Sessions knows the truth and has himself recused

From looking into matters of which Trumpty’s been accused

The whole lot lie, like  a rug upon the floor

No real news we hear just lies and lies galore

 

“I don’t know” “I can’t recall” “much more I cannot say”

All of them it seems are in SwampKing Donald’s pay

It seems like SwampKing Donald flew into a rage

When his staffers told him, he’s on a different page.

 

Bannon threw his arms up, poking at the air

While Spicer and Ms. Conway alternative facts did share.

Trump Tower wires were tapped is Trumpty’s latest tweeting

Completely unsupported to distract from Russian meetings

 

Swampking Donald’s madness is like that of George the third

But George he was quite cuckoo and Trumpty’s just absurd.

Thinks that he can govern by Executive Order alone

What he needs is leadership to really set the tone.

 

He’s made us just a laughing stock; kids snicker they’re not fools

They dread the wealthy moron he put in charge of all our schools.

He wants to get more nukes and planes and ships as well

SALT treaty be damned, he’ll lead us all to hell

 

He thrives on megalomania a big dose every day

And sycophantic yes-men who round him like to play

They can’t stand up to Trumpty and tell him he’s not cool

They’ll all stand by in silence while he acts just like a fool

 

He likes to go to Florida each weekend just to play

The Eleven million that it costs, we taxpayers have to pay

Some say he spent already what took Obama seven years to do

Bestowing his largesse upon his favorite few

 

They are mostly family, to us a huge expense

You wouldn’t mind so much If Trumpty made some sense.

Last weekend he had to go, go there all alone

The only things he likes to pack, his phone and orange comb

 

Oh! And don’t forget the glue that keeps his wig on straight

He saves his old toupees they say to use as fishing bait

He likes to golf in Florida and hit those little balls

It’s his escape from governing between his business calls.

 

I still don’t understand what his followers hope to gain

Have they not yet realized the man his quite insane

He has no self-control and lives in fantasy

Tweeting out old news he’s seen on channel three

 

He does not stick to facts; relies on tabloid news

He loves when he finds something that he can use

It does not matter if it’s old or from another year

He tweets it out, a constant stream like he’s chugging beer.

 

Ah well enough! My hair is turning grey.

I’ll have to take another rest though I have much more to say

I guess I won’t be finished until Trumpty’s done and gone

Perhaps he’ll be impeached for such a massive con.


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Asian Fare

Asian Fare

I like Chinese food he said
Why’s that? He was asked
It’s got a taste, but I can’t declare
The flavour sometimes masked.

Allow me then to take you,
On a little tour
We’ll begin perhaps with India
And then Japan for more.

Refrigeration is paramount
To keep food fresh and nice
But when it gets to a certain point
You have to use some spice.

Garam Masala’s good and hot
And so is Madras curry
Important though that when you cook
Do it slowly, do not hurry.

Koreans like to pickle
And of course they serve with rice
Kim-chi is a favorite dish
But not like bread to slice

It’s hot and spicy and then fermented
Exotic food that they invented
To use the cabbages that they grow
Fields and fields, row after row

Viet-Nam has Pho, a tasty noodle soup
With chicken that comes straight from the coop
And then there’s China and its cuisine
Strange snake bile soup and owl spleen

Of course Chinese pepper has a fragrant smell
Makes many dishes go down really  well
Especially when served with rice
Brings the taste to twice as nice

After China there’s Japan
Cultural creations made by man
Kaiseki, Japan’s most expensive eats
Carefully made artistic feasts

But being honest, you have a choice
Drive through a Subway and with your voice
Speak to an electronic clown
It will take your order down

And deliver it at window number two
Their creation will be made just for you.
Enjoy your sandwich, lunchtime fare
Often made with Asian care.


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The Skiers

More painting effort from therapy days.

 

THE SKIERS

Two skiers unaware they have been seen

Downhill skiing, what a scene!

Snow fresh fallen clean and bright

It fell in silence through the night.

And now two skiers get the thrill

Of racing downwards down the hill

To where they heard two bottles lie

Like Mana fallen from the sky

In a cooler so they won’t freeze

The very thought a pleasing tease

A race towards the finish

Where soon they’ll sit and relish

A perfect close to a perfect day

A refreshing bottle of IPA!

 


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The Press Conference

 

THE PRESS CONFERENCE

 

 On Thursday Trumpty met with the press

His erratic ramblings however, a mess.

His White House he claims is a fine tuned machine

He’s been drinking his bathwater or else in a dream.

Trumpty is mad, as in insane

His remarks and his lies incredibly inane

And day after day his so-called facts they get more wrong

His nose if you’ve noticed, increasingly long

Soon it will be a Trump Tower on his face

A tower going sideways and quite out of place.

Trumpty’s a fumbler, doesn’t know what he doing

He should go to his window and hear them all booing. 

 

His public attempts at being sincere

Are so patently false and it is unclear

Exactly what he hopes to achieve

Maybe a rabbit from out of his sleeve

A look at some he wants on his cabinet staff

Their qualifications make us all laugh. 

 

What a bellicose fellow he turns out to be

Talk about blowing up Russian ships out at sea

He thinks like a bully and that thinking is poor

Maybe he wants to take us to war.

And what’s with his meeting at his seaside resort

He’ll complain if the press makes a report 

 

Claiming it’s just news that is fake

He’ll say all he was doing, was eating a steak.

With his new found friend all the way from the East

Sharing a meal at a movable feast.

As for questions it seems he picks and he chooses

But none of them about hot Russian Floozies. 

 

He does not wait till the question’s been asked

But starts to answer too soon and too fast.

It’s rude of him to say the least

Perhaps he’s in hurry to return to his feast

 

The White House it seems has become quite a bore

He prefers his play-pen on the Florida shore.

Pity it’s not at a Marine World park

Where there he could be eaten by a terrorist shark.

 


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Some thoughts on Humpty Trumpty

SOME THOUGHTS ON Humpty Trumpty

 

Some thoughts on Humpty Trumpty, have been running through my head

It happens when I am awake and even when in bed.

I think it’s all the people, Yes-men to a Tee,

His lies and inane pouting lips that seem to bother me.

That’s not all there’s plenty more which should really make us mad

The realization simply put, is that we’ve all been had.

 

Swampking Donald conned them; those who cast their vote

You see he swapped his so-called swamp for a king-like moat

Made up of lackeys who support his line of different facts

Away with all the smart things like peace and trading pacts.

He does not like NATO but Putin’s all the rage

He’s just a rank amateur upon the world’s broad stage.

 

It seems his general Flynn did not wait to be sworn-in

Before he spoke with Russia, a No-No sort of sin.

He claims he does not recall about that which they spoke

For a security director it’s enough to make you croak.

There was a lot of ranting about Hilary’s server not secured

But he uses Twitter an often hacked small bird.

 

Ah, Swampking have you had a mental check?

Some say you are quite mad but I say what the heck?

King George III was mad it’s told and that I think is true

But malignant narcissist is more akin for you.

After nearly thirty day days of swimming in the pool

Have you now discovered that the world knows you’re a fool?

 

Buffoon would perhaps be better a just a simple clown

Or perhaps you are a man who would be king and wear a golden crown.

Oh Donald buy a ticket, Greyhound has a bus,

There are seats aplenty, just leave with little fuss.

 

Take your donor Betsey, Pence and Session too

And all the other billionaires who queue

To feed upon the powers of your post

Just like bacteria feeding not-freely on their host.

 

The Mid-Terms are a-coming like a warning bell

For the GOP my friend a kind of grave-yard knell.

If the Dems can win some seats and then without ado

You’ll be impeached Oh thank the Lord

We’ll see the last of you.


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Thwarted by the Judges

THWARTED BY THE JUDGES

 Humpty Trumpty is thwarted by the judges’ decision

He’s temporarily lost sight of his campaign vision

Whereby he’d ban all those he dislikes

Such as muslins and ISIS and terrorist tykes

He thinks signing an order with writing so bold

Is going to put foreign attacks all on hold.

 

He’d do better to listen each day when they meet

To the intelligence guys about whom he tweets

He declares what they say is simply a bore

I’d rather listen to Putin, what’s more,

He and his boys hack our systems each day

So I know already what my folks will say?

 

By the way, if you like to shop through the mail

Instead think of Nordstrom’s where they’re having a sale

On all of Ivanka’s line which they’ll end

Because sweat-shop clothing is ceasing to trend

What’s left over they’ll send to Goodwill

Or use them as rags to clean- up the Hill.

 

He regrets that he hired Spicer the schmuck

Who’s a whole hockey game short of a puck.

He’s there only to spout more White House lies

That leaves the Press just rolling their eyes

  And as for Conway, not tight with her ethics

Spouts a witchy form of White House polemics.

 

Each story they say has a moral you know

For Trumpty t’s this; you’ll reap what you sow

All of your hatred big talk and your scorn

Is just like hot air out of a horn.

Mexico’s not going to pay for a wall

U.S. taxpayers will be taking the fall.

 

You’re a liar, a cheat, a con and a fraud

Your Executive Orders just leave us appalled.

And talking of speaking what’s with that weird voice

You use when talking to people of choice

And your hands they make gestures like pictures in air

You do it while standing or when in a chair

 

By the way I should mention you’re putting on weight

I suggest that you diet before it’s too late

You’ll get even rounder like Humpty the egg

Before you know it we won’t see your legs

The White House will buzz with a lowered hum

Have you seen Humpty our low down bum?

 

And then without laughing and all mouths agape

They’ll look in the room that matches your shape

There they might find you tweeting your witch

It’s dark in here, where is the switch?

 

It’s time to bring this rant to an end

I only wish Trumpty that you had a friend

Who would counsel you well with a hand on your back

To stop you from errors and get you on track!


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So-Called

SO-CALLED

So-called President Humpty Trumpty

And his White House hacks

Prefer their brand of truth these days

Known as alternative Facts.

Every last man a liar and the Conway woman too

Make up stuff as they go along

Which they publicly like to spew

The distinction between the truth and their lies

Is lost on the alt-right moron who buys

Into Trumpty’s ideological game

Like me or else I’ll tweet to defame.

I’ll say nasty things all over the place

Lots of things, I can’t say to your face.

If you still don’t like me you’ll force me to sue

Along with the others I’ll get even with you

But just in case you don’t know the rules

Here’s the plan cooked up by my fools

Perish the truth and freedom as well

Fascism will bloom like the fires in hell.

I’m the new leader, commander in chief

My Generals just yes-men Oh what a relief.

I like this dance to the tune they call power

Better than chasing girls in my tower.

Switch off the lights and don’t leave the fan on

Where’s my court jester the so-called Bannon?

He’s down in the cellar drinking again

He does that they say because he’s ashamed

Of all the hatred he spouts on the right

Day after day and night after night.

So Trumpty you’re so-called and that is all

Preach that to your so-called crowds on the mall

Who you claimed showed up to see you sworn in.

If truth be said the mob was quite thin.

And one final word, we’re all at a loss

The so-called appointment of Betsy DeVos


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